I Just Want Back in Your Head
by DanceFairyKiller
Summary: "Logan had never really noticed how attractive Kendall was. Or maybe it was just beer goggles. Or vodka goggles. Whatever. Logan didn't care what it was, he just knew that right now, he wanted this boy."  Full summary inside. Kogan. Slightly AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello there! This is my first Big Time Rush story. Inspiration suddenly struck me last night and I was up until 6 a.m. writing this. Bahaha. This story WILL take place in the showverse, more or less. There will be some slight differences, which you'll see in the next chapter.**

**Summary: After a drunken hook-up with a guy named Kendall, whom he barely knows, all Logan wants to do is forget it happened. This proves difficult when the next day, he finds out his life might just be tied to Kendall's for longer than he imagined.  
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Logan Mitchell opened the passenger door of his friend's car, and stepped out on to the street. His friend, James Diamond, walked around from the driver's side and clamped a hand down on Logan's shoulder. "You ready to party, man? I don't know about you, but I'm ready to turn my charm on on the ladies." James pulled out a comb and smoothed down his hair. James was a bit of a pretty boy, and completely in love with himself. Logan was the total opposite, and sometimes he wondered how they ever became best friends. Logan didn't care too much about his looks. His real focus was school. The fact that he had just pulled up at a party was even weird for him.

"Nah, I'm just looking forward to letting loose a little. Maybe make some new friends," explained Logan.

"Fine, more girls for me," James yelled over his shoulder as he sprinted towards the house. Logan smiled and shook his head at his friend and followed him into the party. It had been about 10 seconds since James walked in, and he was already chatting up some poor girl.

'I guess I'm gonna have to find something to do,' thought Logan. He had only come to this party because he owed James a favour for the time James had driven him 40 miles to a physics lecture. And then sat through it with him. That was a big deal, because Logan suspected James had no idea what physics even was.

He quickly scanned the room. Loud music. Chips spilled all over the floor. Underage kids holding beers. A typical party, like the ones he'd read about. He headed towards what he assumed was the kitchen. As soon as he entered the room, a girl thrust a red cup into his hand. "tequila," she smiled. Logan looked at the contents of the cup. There had to be at least two or three shots in there. He didn't have too much experience with alcohol. He usually stuck to coolers, or beer. But the girl was watching him, still smiling, as she sipped her own drink. So he brought it to his lips and quickly swallowed it all, letting the alcohol burn his throat.

He decided he didn't mind it. It felt kinda good, in a masochistic kind of way. He took it upon himself to refill his cup, with a little more this time. He downed it as quickly as possible before tossing the cup into the trash. He checked his phone. 9:49 pm. Plenty of time to mingle, and have some fun. He walked into the living room where a few couples were dancing, while a group of teens chatted on the couch. _'I don't even know where to start'_, he thought_. 'I don't know these people. Why am I even here? They're probably all wondering the same thing about me...'_

Logan hadn't noticed, but the alcohol was beginning to kick in. He strolled around the house, looking for somewhere he would be comfortable. Relief washed over him as he caught a glance of a girl he knew from school. She saw him too and sauntered over.

"Hey Logan! I didn't think I'd see you here..." she scrunched up her face. "I didn't really think you got out on weekends." She burst out laughing at her own comment.

Logan was slightly offended, but not surprised. He knew his reputation. He wasn't exactly a party type of guy. "What, you thought I was a nerd or something? Like I'd be at home studying at 10 pm on a Saturday? Pshaw!" Logan waved his hand, dismissing the idea. Although if he hadn't come to the party, he would definitely have been studying. He knew he wasn't going to become a doctor by pure luck.

The girl giggled. "Okay, so have some fun with me." She held up the bottle of vodka she'd been clutching. "We'll make a deal. I chug from the bottle, and then you do it."

She was already noticeably drunk, so Logan knew it was not in her best interest to chug more vodka. But he was tipsy enough from the tequila that he ignored the thought, and grinned at the girl. "Sure. Let's do this."

The girl brought the bottle to her mouth and after a few sips, tore it away and groaned loudly. "Agh, it tastes like shit!" she exclaimed. She stuck her tongue out, trying to expel the taste as she handed Logan the bottle.

Without hesitating, he began to sip the bitter, clear liquid. He was about to remove the bottle from his lips when something shoved it forward. Suddenly, his mouth was full of a huge amount of vodka, and his shirt was soaked in the stuff. He quickly swallowed what was in his mouth and dropped the bottle to see the girl doubled over in laughter. "It's all over you!" she cackled.  
>He could feel the vodka soaking his skin, and worse, he could smell it. He had to get to a bathroom, fast. He left the girl giggling on the floor and started looking for somewhere to clean himself off. He started to run, but he stumbled, and fell to the floor. <em>'What's wrong with me?' <em>he thought, forgetting how much vodka he'd just swallowed. _'Oh yeah, the alcohol thing. So I'm drunk. Fucking wonderful.'_

Logan struggled to get up, and once on his feet he realized he had no sense of direction anymore. He had no idea which way could possibly lead to a bathroom. He looked around the room. He wasn't even sure what room he was in, and he could barely tell anyone apart. He began to sway, ready to fall again. Suddenly, a pair of strong arms grabbed him from behind and steadied him. "Easy there, buddy," said a voice that must have belonged to the arms.  
>The helpful stranger came around to face Logan and gripped his shoulders. "Shit, you're soaked. Do you need some help?" Logan just nodded. The stranger reached for Logan's hand and clasped it in his own. The room became a blur and the next thing he knew, he was in a bathroom, leaning against a sink.<p>

The stranger was closing the door behind them, and when he turned around, Logan looked him over. Medium length blond hair that hung over his forehead. A red plaid shirt, with black skinny jeans. Bright green eyes. Massive eyebrows.

He grabbed the stranger's face with his hands. "You! I know you! You're...Kyle." he began to giggle. "No, no I'm kidding. I know you, you're Kendall. From school. I'm Logan!"

The stranger - Kendall, actually- nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'm Kendall. Kendall Knight. We have English together. So tell me...why does it look like you took a shower in Grey Goose?"

Logan couldn't even remember. He knew he'd met up with that girl from school, but the part after that was fuzzy. "I'm not sure. I think someone spilled it on me."

Kendall nodded again. "It happens. Now you should probably take your shirt off, it's smelling really nasty."

Logan obeyed and tried to pull the shirt over his head, but it got caught and he lost his balance. The same strong arms reached out and steadied him again. Logan sat down on the toilet and let out an exaggerated sigh. He looked up at Kendall. "Looks like I'm having some trouble. Would you take it off for me?" _'What am I doing? I'm flirting with Kendall. Fuck, I'm stupid when I'm drunk. And I swear a lot in my thoughts.'_

Kendall looked into the other boy's eyes. He had this innocent look on his face that was impossible to resist. Wide eyes, and an adorable half-smile. It was a flirty look. Kendall couldn't help but grin as he reached out and pulled Logan's shirt over his head.

Logan stood up. Acting on drunken impulse, he took Kendall's hands and placed them on his waist. "Thank you," he said. Then, he leaned in and kissed the blond boy's cheek. Logan had never really noticed how attractive Kendall was. Or maybe it was just beer goggles. Or vodka goggles. Whatever. Logan didn't care what it was, he just knew that right now, he wanted this boy.

Without waiting for a reaction from the first kiss, Logan leaned in and planted his lips right on Kendall's. Kendall kissed back. Soon their lips were moving against each other's, and each boy's tongue had found its way into the other's mouth. The kiss was wet and sloppy, but Logan was too drunk to care. And Kendall was just too turned on. Kendall was lost in the kiss, his mind racing to all of the things it might lead to. He was suddenly brought back to attention by Logan falling sideways and hitting the floor.

"Man, you just can't keep your balance tonight, can you? And it was just getting good," Kendall remarked, shaking his head at the brunet boy on the floor.

"I'm sorry...I don't know why I'm so drunk. You're such a nice guy, it means a lot to me that you wanna help me," said Logan. Then, he got an idea. His face lit up, and he slid closer to Kendall. His hands reached up and started fumbling with Kendall's belt buckle. Logan almost couldn't believe he was doing this, but his judgement was more than clouded and right now, Kendall was the most attractive guy he'd ever seen.

"Here, let me," offered Kendall. He undid his belt, then unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down to his ankles. He was already starting to get hard, and Logan could see the slight bulge through the taller boy's boxers. He started to rub it and knead it through the fabric. Kendall let out a moan at the first contact, and felt himself get fully aroused.

Logan pulled the boxers down, exposing Kendall's fully erect cock. He wrapped his hand around it and started to clumsily stroke the length.  
>"Fuck," Kendall breathed. "Suck it, baby...hurry."<p>

Logan's head was spinning. How did it get this far? With Kendall, a guy he barely knew? He was completely devoid of the shyness that would usually stop him from getting anywhere near this point with a guy. Ignoring all logic, he immediately took the head of Kendall's throbbing cock into his mouth and began sucking it furiously.

The thick head was sliding over Logan's tongue, and he could feel it pushing at his throat. Kendall groaned with pleasure. "Yeah, suck it good babe." If he were honest, it wasn't the best blow job he'd ever gotten. Logan was drunk and sloppy. But Kendall was a guy, he took what he could get. Without warning, Kendall bucked his hips, thrusting his cock down Logan's throat. Logan gagged but didn't take his mouth off the blond boy's member. He continued sucking, enjoying the taste and the new sensation of a hard cock thrusting into his mouth.

Logan's stomach began churning. Something was coming up. Kendall was too excited by the warm mouth on his cock to see the distressed look come over the smaller boy's face. Logan pulled his mouth off Kendall's cock with a pop, turned to the side, and puked up everything he'd drank.

**A/N: Tehehe, a lot of what happens to Logan in this chapter is actually based on a party I went to a few days ago. Crazy teenagers. ****I already have chapter two completed, so if I get reviews and people like the story, I'll probably post it tomorrow. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews. If I get it perfected in time, I might upload chapter three tonight as well. Enjoy :)**

Sunlight filled the room, forcing Logan's eyes open. He squinted and looked around the room. Bizarrely, plastered to every wall were pictures of James, in various outfits and poses. "Good morning sunshine! It's time to get up!" James had pulled open the blinds. Of course James would have headshots all over his room.

"That's my Sophisticated Plumber look," he explained when he saw Logan staring at one of the pictures.

"James...what happened last night?" Logan asked, rubbing his eyes and stretching. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and rose to his feet. As soon as he was up, he felt like he'd been hit like a truck. This must be a hangover. He checked his watch. To his surprise, he'd slept all the way through to 2:30 p.m.

"You had a little too much to drink, my friend. I was _this_ close to getting this hottie's number when some guy showed up and told me to come get you from the bathroom. You were passed out on the floor."

Logan groaned and slapped his forehead. Memories started flooding back. His cheeks grew hot as he remembered his encounter in the bathroom with Kendall_. He must think I'm an idiot, getting all intimate with him and then puking right in front of him._

"Ooh, someone's blushing. Got something juicy to tell your good friend James about last night?" James winked exaggeratedly.

There was no way Logan was telling James what happened with Kendall. James didn't even know Logan was gay. He'd only admitted it to himself a year ago, and he had no intention of giving up his little secret just yet. Unless Kendall couldn't keep quiet. Then the truth about Logan would be all over the school.

Logan didn't know much about Kendall. He knew he was a star basketball player, and he was pretty good in English class. _He wouldn't tell anyone about last night, would he? His own reputation is on the line too. Unless he's openly gay..._ Logan realized he didn't even know the basic facts about Kendall. He was, for all intents and purposes, a stranger.

He pushed the thought away and forced a smile. "Yeah, I made out with this girl. You know, with kissing and stuff. We made out. And kissed."

The taller boy raised an eyebrow at Logan. "Okay then. Sounds like a blast. Well get up, Carlos texted me a while ago and we're going out."

Carlos was the third member of their group of best friends. Logan wasn't really sure how he's become so close with the Hispanic boy either. They were all on the hockey team together, but Carlos was always bouncing off the walls and coming up with terrible, dangerous ideas, while Logan preferred to sit and read a good novel. Or a textbook. He really just liked to read.  
>"Could you get me a Tylenol first? My head is killing me." His head really was pounding. How much had he had to drink?<p>

"Fine, come to the kitchen with me. Hurry, 'cause we also have to stop at your house so you can get a shirt. You weren't wearing one when I found you," James bolted out of the bedroom, and Logan followed, wondering what had become of his poor shirt.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later, Logan was sitting on Carlos' couch. "This is your idea of going out?"<p>

James flung his arm around Logan's shoulders. "I think we had enough excitement last night. For now, let's just kick back and relax with our good buddy Carlos." All three of them knew that the words "Carlos" and "relax" did not belong in the same sentence.

"You wanna do something fun then?" Carlos began excitedly. "I've been working on this crazy stunt. We just need 10 pounds of-"

"NO!" shouted Logan and James simultaneously. Carlos looked down, clearly disappointed. The three boys went back to watching TV, and Logan's thoughts drifted. He didn't know why, but he couldn't get his mind off Kendall. He was too drunk to have a vivid memory of their encounter. He couldn't feel the echoes of the touches and kisses. But he did remember that he had loved kissing Kendall. And he knew he wanted to kiss Kendall again. He shook the ridiculous idea away, as he always did when uncomfortable thoughts made their way into his head, and looked back up at the TV. A celebrity news show was on, and James was about to change the channel when the reporter said, "Do you wanna be a pop star?"

James leapt to his feet. "YES! Yes I do!" James had wanted to be famous for years. Logan thought it was a pretty good career plan for the boy, actually. He was gorgeous, with a really good voice. And it wasn't like he'd be able to go into anything academic.

"If you live in Minnesota, are you ready?"

"I LIVE IN MINNESOTA!" James squealed, unable to contain his excitement. The reporter explained that a record producer was in town, looking for the next big thing.

"Sign-ups are until 5 p.m.," the reporter continued. The guys all looked at each other, then at the clock. 4:30. "I'll drive," said James as the boys ran out the door.

* * *

><p>Logan rolled his eyes as he made his way to the stage. He was happy to support his friend, but this wasn't his dream. Singing wasn't even his <em>hobby. <em>He climbed the stairs to the stage and stood in front of the microphone, beside his friends. He looked down and saw a heavyset man with yellow tinted sunglasses, staring down at his phone, not even glancing up at the three boys. Next to him was a young black woman with a friendly smile.

"I am Gustavo Rocque," he bellowed. "I already have _millions_ of dollars, so I'm doing you a _favour_ just by showing up to watch you nobodies. I could be out putting spinning rims on my gold jet ski, but instead I'm here. Don't waste my time." He looked up, lowering his sunglasses to examine the boys. His eyes widened. "Wait a minute." He jumped up from his seat, climbed the stage stairs and strode over to them.

"You guys could work. There's the cute nerd, the pretty boy, and the token ethnic kid. A perfect formula." He examined each of them with a sly grin creeping over his face. He could see the boys, especially James, perk up at his positive words. "Not so fast, don't get excited yet."

He began to pace back and forth in front of the boys. "You are gonna have to go through some rigorous work and hard training before you get anywhere near a recording studio. And that's only _if _I don't change my mind about you."

"So now do you want us to sing?" James could see his dreams coming true right before his eyes.

"NO," Gustavo shouted. "Here's the deal. I already have the talent. Now all I need is a few dogs to look good in the background so my star can shine...and bring in the money."

"But I'm a star! Look at this face!" James put on his model face and wiggled his fingers in a terrifying attempt to be sexy.

Gustavo just stared at him. "Stop that. Forever. Now we just need to see how you look beside the talent. Talent, get out here!"

Logan watched, in shock, as a tall boy with blond hair and sparkling green eyes joined them on stage.

**A/N: Buahahaha! I'm sure you all expected that, but oh well. Reviews are much appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. If I don't get too busy with school and stuff, I should be able to stay a few chapters ahead of schedule and continue to post one everyday. I know the chapters so far have been really short. I'm working on making them longer, but I always get to the point where I want a chapter to end, and then it's super short. And it feels weird going back and adding things, just for the sake of making it longer. But as the story picks up, you guys should be getting some longer chapters. Enjoy :)**

Kendall locked eyes with Logan as he approached the boys. Logan looked away, completely humiliated to be seeing Kendall again after last night. Especially in this situation. What were the odds that Logan would come to a singing audition on a whim, and run into the last person he wanted to see?

"Hey, I know you! Kendall, from school. I didn't know you were a singer!" James enthused, reaching out to shake Kendall's hand.

Carlos nodded. "I've seen you around school."

"I sing a bit, but to be honest my sister made me audition. She has this crazy idea that I'll be famous and she'll be my manager," Kendall explained with a chuckle.

The three boys continued to chat happily, but Logan's thoughts were elsewhere. He was looking Kendall up and down, as if seeing him for the first time. It _was _pretty much the first time. Logan had only properly looked at the blond boy once, and he'd been drunk then. Now he was noticing things he hadn't before. Kendall's eyes really were gorgeous, and his wide grin and dimples were adorable. He felt himself blushing, thinking about the fact that he'd hooked up with a guy who was this attractive.

Logan's opinion of himself was much lower. He didn't think he was ugly. He just wasn't...beautiful. Or hot. Handsome, even. He couldn't imagine anyone daydreaming about him, or thinking about him before they went to sleep at night. Or even just seeing him, and thinking he was good-looking. Logan knew he was average, and he figured Kendall had hooked up with him out of boredom. Logan was drunk and Kendall had taken advantage of that. He was probably embarrassed too. Logan decided he wasn't going to bring it up. In fact, he wouldn't talk to Kendall ever again. It wasn't like they'd actually end up in a band together. They'd both walk off this stage, Kendall would move to Hollywood to record with Gustavo, and they'd never come in contact again.

"So then it's settled, we're a band!" Kendall announced, breaking Logan from his thoughts. He high-fived James and Carlos, then turned to Logan. "Can we count you in?"

Kendall's words barely had a chance to leave his lips before he got his answer. "No," said Logan. "I can't. I'm not a singer. You're fine without me." It was true, Logan wasn't a singer. But that held almost no bearing on his decision. There was just no way he could spend every day in a band with Kendall Knight. Logan had always done everything possible to avoid awkward situations, and if he joined the band, his whole life would be one big mess of awkward.

"But Logan!" James began to pout. "I don't wanna go without you. You're my best friend, we have to do everything together!"

Logan had to smile at James describing their friendship as if they were 8 years old. But he wasn't backing down. "I can't, James. I'm going to be a doctor, remember? I have to keep my grades up so I can get a scholarship. That means, zero time for making music."

"Ha! You won't be making as much as me of course, but with my help you'll be rich enough to pay for college and medical school yourself, no problem. Not that you'll want to, once you get a taste of fame," Gustavo interjected.

The other three boys looked at Logan expectantly while he considered this point. His family wasn't really on the richer side. Extra money would be everything to them. "Fine. I'll try it out," he said, and he'd barely finished his sentence when Carlos engulfed him in a bear hug, and James began cheering.

Gustavo cleared his throat to regain the boys' attention and began a long-winded speech about responsibility, and explaining that his expectations for the boys were very low, with his assistant, Kelly, cutting in occasionally with words of encouragement. While Gustavo ranted, Logan tried to subtly sneak a glance at Kendall. Their eyes met, and Kendall smiled. Logan smiled back and then looked at his feet, willing himself not to blush.

"All right dogs, I'll call you guys. Now get out of here before I change my mind." Gustavo's tone was harsh, but he was smiling, clearly excited about his new prospects.

"So," said Kendall as the boys headed out of the auditorium. "I think we all need to get to know each other. How does my house sound?" Logan had decided the best plan was to pretend there was nothing weird between the two of them, so he agreed to the idea right away. If Kendall didn't bring it up or act awkwardly around Logan, Logan wouldn't either.

"Ooh, sorry guys. Can't make it. I have a hot date tonight," said James.

"And she's bringing a friend," Carlos added happily.

Kendall shifted his glance towards Logan. "You cool with just you and me then?"

_No._"Yes. Of course. It'll be fun. New bandmates, who just met for the first time. Doing guy stuff. Together. Male bonding," Logan rambled aimlessly, waiting for someone to stop him.

"Okay then," interrupted James, to Logan's relief. "My car's over there, so I guess Carlos and I will get going. You two have fun." He winked at Logan before turning and walking away with Carlos.

Once the other two boys had gone, Kendall showed Logan to his car. Logan blushed slightly when Kendall held open the passenger door for his new bandmate. _Whats with the blushing? I need to stop that. _Logan felt completely pathetic. One hook-up at a party, and suddenly he turned into a 12-year-old girl with a crush. He wasn't usually like that around guys, unless he really liked them. But he didn't even really know Kendall, although he was definitely attracted to the blond.

"You don't talk much, do you?" accused Kendall, who was keeping his eyes on the road.

"I do, I guess I'm just nervous." _Wait, no. Why'd I say that?_ He hadn't meant to admit that Kendall made him nervous. "I mean...what?" Logan tried to backtrack.

"Yeah," Kendall agreed. "This whole band thing has me a little shaken up too. I mean, being in a band with guys I don't even know. And soon we might be on the road to fame... It's crazy."

Logan was extremely thankful that Kendall had either not caught on to the slip-up, or pretended he hadn't. Kendall pulled into a driveway. "Here we are," he said, and both boys got out. "My mom and sister are over at my grandparents' place for the weekend. I'll have to call them tomorrow and tell them how the audition went. My sister'll freak. I'd do it now but it's already 7, my grandpa is probably sleeping." He shrugged. "Old people."

Kendall unlocked the door and let Logan in ahead of himself. Kendall's place had that comfortable, lived-in look. Logan's eyes fell on a framed picture of a blond boy, around 10 years old. His identity was obvious from his piercing green eyes. And those trademark eyebrows. Kendall flopped himself down on the couch and motioned for Logan to do the same. Logan sat on the opposite side of the couch from the other boy.

"So, I never pegged you for the pop star type," said Kendall. "You always look so focused in class. I thought you were one of those kids who goes home and studies all night."

"Well, I'm not really a singer. It's James' dream, not mine," said Logan. "Wait, you look at me in class?" Logan wanted to pull the words back in after he said them. He didn't want to seem like he was flirting with Kendall.

"Well I mean, you sit near me. I just happen to see you sometimes," said Kendall. "And I definitely never thought I'd see someone like you at a party like last night's."

Logan was taken aback. This wasn't supposed to happen. Kendall wasn't going to bring it up. They were supposed to pretend like today was their first meeting, and the events of the party would disappear from memory. Logan decided to play dumb. "Um, party? Oh yeah, I might have gone to a party last night. I didn't see you there."

"There's no way you don't remember. I can tell, you're nervous. You're embarrassed by what happened." Kendall inched closer to Logan. "It's fine, really...I had some fun," he laughed.

"I-,I really don't know what you mean. Were, uh, were you really at the party last night?" Logan knew his front was completely transparent, but he was reluctant to give it up. He didn't want to face Kendall about this. He'd rather die than confront his feelings about the situation.

Kendall placed his hand softly on Logan's thigh. "So," he said, as he moved in closer. Logan could feel the blond's breath on his own lips. "You're telling me you don't remember this?" He leaned in further, closing the impossibly small gap between them by pressing his lips softly on Logan's. Logan felt his heart rate speed up as Kendall kissed him. He let his mind go blank as the taller boy gently pushed him down on the couch. Now Kendall was on top, their lips still locked in the most intense kiss of Logan's life. He was briefly disappointed when Kendall pulled away, until he felt soft lips against his neck. He could feel his pants getting tighter, and he began to sigh in pleasure as Kendall kissed and gently sucked on his neck, no doubt leaving a trail of hickeys on Logan's pale skin.

Seemingly satisfied with the effect he'd had on the smaller boy, Kendall planted one more lingering kiss on Logan's lips before pulling away and looking into his eyes for an answer.

It was Logan's lips that provided one. "No," he said quietly. "I don't remember."

**A/N: Please review! Your reviews motivate me, and I honestly really do appreciate your input. Oh, and thank you to everyone who added this story to their alerts or favourites! You guys rock :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry this is so late! I know I said I'd update everyday, but I got super busy. I will probably keep to a routine of posting a few times a week, though. Hopefully I made up for the lateness with the fact that this is the longest chapter yet. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>The rest of the night had been awkward. Kendall had pulled away, and not another word had been spoken of the incident. They went on chatting about inconsequential things for an hour, before Kendall drove Logan home. Logan noticed that Kendall seemed a lot less friendly. He felt a little bad for rejecting the other boy, but he knew it was the right decision. <em>He probably just wanted to get me to finish what I started. I'm not gonna be a pushover. He can't manipulate me.<em>

It had been almost a week since that day at Kendall's house, and Logan was packing for their move to L.A., which was tomorrow. He had seen Kendall a few times in between with James and Carlos, and Kendall didn't try to bring up the party again, for which Logan was thankful.

He was now methodically folding shirts, pants, socks and underwear into one large suitcase. He had calculated the volume of the suitcase, and thus determined exactly much would fit. He sighed when he remembered that he never had gotten his shirt back after the party. He missed that shirt. It had been one of his favourites. Logan zipped up the suitcase and leaned it against the wall, then settled into bed with a book.

* * *

><p>Just 12 hours later, Logan and his band mates had landed in L.A. Along with them were Kendall's mother and 11-year-old sister. Logan had met them once in the past week. Kendall's mom was going to serve as guardian for all four of the boys while they lived in Los Angeles.<p>

As soon as they got to the apartment, Carlos and James raced each other to one room, and each claimed a bed. That left Logan and Kendall as roommates. This was the first time they'd been alone together since the incident at Kendall's house. Both boys had begun to unpack in complete silence, and Logan started to imagine what it would he like rooming with Kendall. _Will he make another move on me?_ Logan had a terrifying vision of waking up in the middle of the night to find Kendall in his bed, groping him. _No, I doubt it. I think I made it clear enough that I have no intention of finishing what I started. So, what if he's completely cold to me instead?_

Logan Logan decided to take the initiative and break the ice. He walked up behind Kendall, who was putting his socks in a drawer, and patted him on the back. "So, this obviously isn't ideal. But we'll make the best of it," he said, assuming Kendall was just as excited as he was about their sleeping arrangements. Which was to say, not at all.

"Are you really that bummed out about sharing a room with me?" Kendall spun around to face Logan. "Listen. I tried to hook up with you again and you rejected me. My bad, okay? It's not a big deal, so don't make it one."

"I'm not...I mean I...okay. It's cool," Logan stammered.

"Good," said Kendall. He picked up a book that Logan had placed on his own bed. "'The Intricacies of the Human Heart.' Wow, you really read this stuff for fun?"

"Well no, not for fun really. I try to do as much extra studying as I can," Logan explained, sitting down on his bed.

"You're really set on becoming a doctor, aren't you?" asked Kendall, to which Logan nodded. "But if this band thing works out, you'll be good for the rest of your life. You'll never need to work," Kendall said.

"It's not only about the money. I feel like I need to prove to myself that I can do this. And not just me, my parents too. Gotta make 'em proud," Logan explained. "What about you? What do you want to do?"

"Well, before this, I wanted to go pro in basketball." Kendall sat down beside Logan on the brunet's bed. "See, my dad left when I was 5, and Katie was just a baby. I haven't seen him since. I thought he'd see me in the NBA, and think 'Wow, I sure shouldn't have left such an awesome kid'." Kendall shook his head and chuckled. "It's stupid. I just want him to see me make something of myself, so I can show him that I did it without his help."

Logan just nodded. He was too surprised to say anything. This was the first time he'd seen a sensitive side to Kendall. He hadn't known that the blond boy even _had_a sensitive side. It seemed like he took every situation lightly, as though nothing bothered him. Logan could see now that this was a false front.

"And you're afraid that you'll fail, and never amount to anything," said Logan. "You have the drive to succeed, but deep down inside you're scared that you're not good enough." He wasn't really talking about Kendall anymore. Logan knew exactly how it felt to live in fear of failure.

Kendall nodded. "Something like that. I don't wanna be a screw up." He paused for a moment. "You know, I'm not sure why I told you all that. I'm not usually such an open person," Kendall admitted.

"Don't worry about it, I'm a listener. James and Carlos always come to me with their problems. And you're sort of in our group now, so I'm extending that privilege to you, too," Logan joked.

Kendall flashed Logan that adorable grin, and said "I guess I owe you something in return, then. Close your eyes." He reached into his suitcase, and pulled something out. "Here, catch," he said, and tossed it to Logan, who opened his eyes and caught it.

Logan smiled when he saw what his 'present' was. His shirt, from the party. He could tell that Kendall had washed it; it no longer stunk of alcohol. "When exactly were you planning on giving this back to me?"

Kendall shrugged. "I just did, didn't I?" He zipped up his suitcase and then turned to Logan. "Wanna go see if Carlos and James wanna check out that awesome pool?"

Logan considered it. Relaxing by the pool, maybe reading a good book, with a shirtless Kendall frolicking in the water. It was tempting. But he decided he needed some quiet time alone to think. He knew he wouldn't be getting much of that, now that he was rooming with Kendall. "Nah, I'm tired. I think I'd rather just stay here and read. I haven't been studying enough lately anyway."

"You're so lame, Logan. Come on, it's a beautiful day, with a beautiful pool, and probably beautiful girls," Kendall said.

Logan smiled. "I'm gay."

Kendall's eyes widened a bit, then he said "I probably should have assumed that. Well, there'll be hot guys, man."

Logan laughed. It took a few more minutes of arguing, but finally Kendall agreed to go to the pool without Logan.

Carlos and James came in to say goodbye and once Logan heard them leave, he leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes. He was surprised by the conversation he'd had with Kendall earlier. It was the first time the two boys had connected emotionally, and Logan realized he'd loved it. Talking with Kendall had been great. He had been genuinely interested in everything the other boy had been saying, and he felt like they could have talked for hours. Logan mentally chastised himself for thinking that way. _Stop it. You already have a stupid little crush on Kendall. Don't add feelings to it_. Logan could deal with being attracted to Kendall, but falling for him? That was out of the question.

Suddenly the door swung open, and James walked in. "Don't you knock?" asked Logan.

"Nope," said James, striding over to Logan's bed and sitting beside him. "So, little buddy, I was thinking. We have some things to discuss."

"What things? And wait, didn't you go to the pool?" Logan asked. He was definitely not happy about James infringing on his alone time.

"Yeah, but I forgot my lucky comb. Then I realized this was the perfect opportunity to talk to you alone. You know nothing gets past me, right? I know exactly what's going on," James insisted.

Logan rolled his eyes. "All right, James. What's my secret?" he asked, expecting something completely ridiculous.

"You," said James, pointing at Logan, "have a thing with Kendall."

Logan's stomach dropped. How could James have known? "Thing? What thing? We're friends. And band mates. There's no thing. Actually, I barely even like him. He's kind of a jerk," Logan rambled, searching for the right words and knowing that he had no hope of convincing James.

"Really? Then why were you guys so anxious to be roommates? You two can't get enough of each other," James accused.

"James, you and Carlos stole the other room right away. We were forced to be roommates. This is stupid. I'm not even gay, and neither is Kendall," said Logan. He couldn't believe James was putting him in this position.

James sighed, and looked down. He seemed to be struggling with something. He brought his eyes up to lock with Logan's, and said "I don't know about Kendall, but I know you're gay, Logan. You told me."

Logan's mind began racing. Had he told James? No, he'd definitely remember something like that. Unless…

"It was after the party. I had to carry you out, but you woke up in the car. You said you couldn't hide something so big from your best friend anymore," James recalled. "I wasn't sure if you really meant it, but I've seen the way you look at Kendall. The same way pretty much every girl I meet looks at me."

Logan shook his head. He wasn't ready. James couldn't know yet. "I don't even remember saying that. I was so drunk; I didn't know what I was talking about."

"Logan. You're my best friend," said James. This would be a lot easier if you'd just be honest with me. Carlos and I would both be totally accepting of you and Kendall if-"

"We're not together. I swear, there's nothing between us." Logan sighed. James already knew. There would be no convincing him. Logan had never doubted that James would be 100 percent accepting, but having the fact confirmed put him slightly at ease. "Okay. You're right, I'm gay. But Kendall and I aren't dating, or whatever it is you think we're doing."

"I knew it!" James jumped to his feet. "I actually made it up, you were out like a light the whole way to my house. But I knew you were gay! Carlos owes me twenty bucks."

"You are _not_ telling Carlos. I'll do it when I want to. And hey, you bet on my sexual orientation? And wait, what even made you think I was gay?" asked Logan.

"I really have seen the way you look at Kendall, Logan. And other guys before him. Plus, you've never really been interested in girls. It wasn't hard to guess," said James. "Now I just have to get you to admit you have a thing with Kendall. It's pretty obvious."

Well, Logan had already come out. He might as well tell the rest of the story, however embarrassing it may be. "All right, fine. We hooked up at the party. No feelings, just a drunk make out. We're just friends now, okay? You have to keep this to yourself. I don't want it to cause any problems for us as a band." Logan hadn't planned on telling James any of that, but he felt relieved now that he had. At least now he'd have someone to confide in. He had sensed that Kendall was someone he could talk to, but Logan would never bring up the fact that he had a crush on the other boy.

"No problem man. You know this is my dream, I'm not risking it. I _am _gonna be famous," he said confidently. "But seriously, thanks for telling me. I'll keep it quiet. Now, you need to come down to the pool with me. I'm afraid your pasty skin might rub off on me," said James, pulling Logan to his feet. "Come on, your lover is waiting for you."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Not funny, James," he said, but he grabbed his sunglasses and followed his friend out the door.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This chapter was difficult to write for some reason. I'm not in love with it, but I hope you guys like it. PLEASE review and tell me what you think, it means the world to me. Thanks! 3**


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